Prolific Digestions - Installment #1

Stuck in the in the isolation of one's own mind.  Trapped in the purgatory of self.  How could one escape the constant analyzation.  

Patients is yet still a virtue that does not come easy.  I thought maybe it would....but I was poorly mistaken.  

The filter stays on.  It must.  There really isn't a choice about it, is there?  

The oh so familiar abyss of chaos.  Like a mermaid in the sea, she sings to me.  Taunting me.  Seducing me.  

I can't go back though.  I know what the end holds.  

If you have to ask, then there is no need to for you know.  

Live happily in your ignorant bliss.  It's better that you don't know, don't understand.  Shit, I don't even understand, but I know.  I know it's there, right under the surface.  Festering....

These eyes.  The memories that stay locked inside.  They are what's left.  Reminders of past, beautiful, ugly, happy, painful.  A road map of the path you can't allow yourself to take.  The ink saturated in your skin won't allow you to forget.  

The filter must stay on...

A war of the mind and heart.  And I think one is losing.  This four letter word haunts me.

Maybe I'll spontaneously combust.  The ideas, the desire to achieve more, burns inside.  The sleeper within.  

Unconditional, beautiful.  If only maybe it could be a reflection of me.  The only love that doesn't scare me...the only love that keep me safe, the only love I can put my faith in.

A self loathing, narcissistic view.  

Of course it's safe.  It's unconditional, it's pure, it's simple.  

You coward.  

Toyota Commercial ( 1st AD)

Alright, the good news is, I've been working soo much I haven't had time to "blog" for the past two weeks. So let's get straight to it.

My producer called me up and asked me to come on to this project. Same Director as last time, except, this time it's a paid gig. Gian said he was so pleased with my work ethic last time, that he just had to have me AD this next project. Luckily it was only a two day shoot, on Sat. & Sun. I was scheduled to work at the restaurant, but how could I pass up the opportunity to work on set and get paid. So thankfully, my Buca boss, J-Dog, gave me the weekend off to work the commercial.

It was a cool gig. The crew was a little bigger this time and I felt so right AD-ing. It's kinda of like when you break in a brand new pair of shoes. Feels goood. We stayed on schedule, got all the shots, and managed to do with little or no problems. (Good job me!!) So that officially locked in my spot as "the team AD".

F#*k yeah baby....

Gianfilippo Pedrotti & Richard DeSanto on Location 35MM Toyota commercial

Week 2 (WIP)

So in case you were wondering, yes it's for reals, and totally legit!

So it's really quiet here right now. There is kind of a weird vibe in the air though. For everyone else, it's their last week. So there still isn't much for me to do. I've spent a majority of my time browsing the web, you know the usual facebook ect. (I do have to say I've been spending a lot of time playing a new facebook game, Mob Wars, it's fun, join my mob if your my friend!!) But after this week is over, the office is going down to five and there will only be little ol' me to help everyone. So I figure this is the quiet before the storm, cause I know it's going to be hetick.

Oh yeah, I don't like being new at anything, ya know? That whole learning curve of what's what, and who's who, and how to do this or that. It's not knowing what to do... is lame. I don't like to suck at anything that I do. But the whole situation is very rare, so I'll make due, I'm just complaining. F#$& I'm just happy to have a steady paycheck every week dammit!

After work today, I'm going to pick up my little sister, Monique. She's gonna come hang out with me and the doggies for a couple days. She's working now and she's supposed to start jr. college in a couple weeks, so this is the only window of time that works out for her. Not to mention, her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. F#&$ man, my baby sister is gonna be 18. Sh$* man, I remember changing her dirty diapers!? Well, I figure this week we'll chill and celebrate. (that is, when I'm not working) We'll see, things should go good.

WIP (Warner Independent Pictures)

So in case you didn't know, WIP is the "the arthouse division of Warner Bros. " They have recently announced that the are closing down. (what a shame? No?) However, there is still one film that needs to be released before they close shop.

"Ok, so what", your asking yourself. Since WIP is closing down, they need some extra help to finish releasing this new Alan Ball film, "Towel Head". So that's where I come in. I'll be working for the VP of Publicity to help release the film. I might even get to meet the director, (who is working on this cool HBO series called, "True Blood") and make the premiere too? (Wouldn't that be cool?)

So after all the cool things, that might be coming up, the gig is up until they close, which is in the next two months. So maybe this could lead to something else. But as of right now, I've finally landed a full time gig. (Even if it's only for 2 months)

So wish me luck, cause I'll still be working at the restaurant on the weekends. Yes, that means I'll be working seven days a week. I'm not worried cause it's better then not working, ya know?

Some exciting stuff might be happening, so stay posted!

Thank goodness for friends...

So I thought I would put out the "good" vibe today, cause this week a couple job prospects came up unexpectedly.

My dear friend, Jen Sheck, called me about a possible two month temp position with Warner Independent. If you don't know, Warner Independent is closing down. However, they still have an Alan Ball film to release before they close shop. Hopefully if it the position gets approved, I'll be working with the VP of Publicity for the next two months. Jen threw my name out there when the idea of a temp came up. So thanks Jen, good looking out girl.

I recently spoke to a friend/colleague, Rob Hurwich. (I co-produced his music video.) So Rob teklls me that he has recently sold most of his equipment, put all his stuff in storage and has decided to go meditate with some Monks is California. Yeah, really, I'm not making this up. I was surprised, to say the least. However, he sounded excited and happy about the decision, so I'm totally happy for him. I can't wait to hear from him after his experience. So Rob told me about his last job and that they might be possibly looking for someone. He gave me an email address and told me to forward my resume and wait and hear back. So Robbie is looking out, throwing me a bone. Don't know if anything will come of it, but hey, it's something.

Today, I've actually got time sit a write something. I was sleeping yesterday when my phone went off. Yeah it was 11am, but hey, I didn't got to bed till 4am. So I reach over, totally half asleep and see that HBO is calling me. (Shit! I have to answer this!) I got asked if I could be in the office within the hour. Being the hungry workaholic I think I am, I said, "of course!" and hoped in the shower.

My friend/colleague, Jose Villalpando, got some bad news and had to leave abruptly. He called HR and asked specifically for me to come in and cover his desk. Thanks for thinking of me Jose.
(I'm hope your doing alright brotha. Hang in there man. And don't worry I'll hold down the fort here, cause I got your back. )

So things have been looking up for me this week. So I'm keepin my fingers crossed and waiting to see what pans out. Let's hope for some good new on Monday!

To all my peeps out there, good lookin out yo! And if your reading this, stay connected, cause it's our twenty-something network that is help everyone get to where they want to be.
;)

The Dark Knight

One word;

Epic.

I can't stop thinking about the movie.  The Best two and half hours ever.  I think I have to go back and see it again.  

Heath Ledger was freakin amazing as "the Joker".  I don't even know what to say.  Maybe I'll articulate better after a second screening.

Last weeks re-cap

Bueno.  Hola.  Hello.

Alright, first let's start off by apologizing to you readers out there.  I don't know who you are or how many of you there is.  But I know there is at least one.  And if your reading this right now, it might be you.  So, sorry to keep you in the dark this last week, but...I was in a bad mood.  Since my last post, I just knew I took a one way trip to negative city.  I didn't want to go there, but it happens from time to time.  I didn't feel the need to take you along with me.  

I have to admit, writing everyday is a task.  I know it's good for me to some degree, but I get sick of myself.  Really, I do sometime.  So I thought it best to not put off that negative energy out there in the world.  So there it is.  

There was one cool thing that happened last week.  The "French Party". Next post will be about that.  Other than that.  That was it.  Worked this weekend, waiting tables.  Yeah, you know it.  

I can't promise daily updates, cause if nothing is going on, it's usually the same thing.  Hangin at home with doggies, lookin for work.  I'm not saying, I won't be writing, it just might not be seven days a week, that's all.

Stay posted.

Brain Overload

It's Monday. Damm. I think I hurt my brain. Stuck here at this desk, I'm forced to wonder the the vast wonders of cyber-land. Thinking of any new ventures to bring in some money. What could I be doing, that's I'm not doing right now? After recent discussions, I've been guided to the photography business. But the problem is the same as anything else. Start up. I don't have any money to start anything, really. Maybe my head will just explode, like in that 80's David Cronenberg moive; Scanners. Blam!

Website, jobs, new projects, craigslist, mandy.com, jobs, headshots, workshops, blogs, facebook, networking, emails, calender, working for free, bullS*$&, frustration, irritation, resumes, blah, blah, blah. What the F#*&! What do I have do? Who do I have to sleep with?! What the F$*&!

I've been out of school for six months now. Got those F#*&ing student loans kickin in this month. I barely scrap by each month as it is. I'm not gonna die and I'm not gonna starve, but for F#*& shakes people, I've got a MFA and the only steady income I've got, comes from waiting tables. I've got a decent resume. Damm, damm, damm. I don't know what to do, mang. You know the crazy thing; I read somewhere that only 8% of Americans have a MFA.

So yeah, I'm in the top 10% of educated Americans, and my survival depends on how much people tip me. Oh wait, it gets better. I swear and I'm not making this up. One of the options to NOT repay your student loan; In the event of death. Yes people, if I want to get out of student loans, all I have to do is DIE! Now that sounds like a plan.

Maybe today is just one of those days that everything is bad. I don't know. But all this S#*t is true. Never mind me, I'm just irritable. I'm just running out of answers. Isn't that ironic? Guy in the top 10% running out of answers.

Maybe a Mac truck will just put me out of my misery....

UFC 86 / Hancock

I wish I could spend everyday like yesterday.

Got up whenever I got up.  Moseyed around the house.  Went out for a late brunch.  (that reminds me, I really like where I live)  Came back home, watched a movie.  ( In Bruges, w/Colin Farrell, it was actually pretty good.  I would recommend renting it.)  Took a nap.  Stopped by an old friend's house to wish her, happy b-day.  Watched the the fight (for free), grubbed some BBQ.  Headed out to go see a movie (for free).  Came home and passed out.

Thats the prefect combo.

Rampage Vs. Forest.  Five round unanimous decision that when to Forest!?  Was I watching the same fight?  I thought you had to "bet the champ to be the champ"?  Something shaddy going on there.  There's got to be a rematch.  

Hancock.  So it was decent summer movie.  I think you could wait till DVD.  I mean, all the really cool shots were given away in the trailer.  Will Smith was great as usual, but I just didn't feel like there was enough back story that was investigated.  It was just lacking.  And that's my opinion after the big "twist" was revealed.  All in all, B-.  I might wait.

The 4th

Nothin exciting.  No fireworks for me this year.  I spent the evening serving.  It was super slow.  

Oh!  Got my place back.  F.Y.I, I don't recommend letting any house guest stay past a week.  It's just not a good idea.  It's soo nice to have my place back.

HBO Day 3

I figured I write this morning. Didn't write last night, cause there really wasn't much to say. I spent 8 hours at a desk all day.

However, I did start to read a Screenplay my friend wrote. It's her first feature, "...HEAVEN, HELL OR AUSTIN, my female-centered comedy in the vein of WAYNE'S WORLD or HAROLD AND KUMAR..." So far it's a fun read. Makes me wish I had my own script to work on. But really, with all the other ideas I've got floating around, there is no room for a feature script idea. No way. I'm still brainstorming my 30min sitcom idea.

I could alway give hourly updates today. But that would be super boring. Every hour would be the same thing. "Sat at my desk. Browsed the internet. Answered the phone. Back to the internet." That's all it would say, really. There's rumors of getting off early today, since it's a three day weekend for all the peeps here. However, I've got to serve tomorrow night. So no fireworks for me. If you've got a real job, enjoy your weekend. I'll working serving Sunday too, then back there on Monday. Maybe I'll have a couple days off after that.

HBO Day 1

So I took a chance this morning and I took Beverly Glen to get to Santa Monica today.  At first it was backed up and I thought maybe it was a mistake.  Once traffic started moving, it flowed pretty smooth all the way over.  I think it only took 25 min.  Sweet.

Spent the whole day at a desk in front of a computer, waiting for the phone to ring.  It's such easy money.  That's about it.  

Came home, took the dog out for a walk.  That's four miles last night and three tonight.  I'm gonna lose some damm weight.

That's a wrap.  Manana amigos.  Oh yeah, there's this cool show called, Attack of the show, on G4 (it's a cable channel)  and it's really cool.  You should check it out.  

AD (Assistant Director)

I wanted to write last night, considering I had such a good day in the morning.  But buy the time I came home from waiting tables, I was dead tired.  I slept like a baby last night.

So let's get to yesterday morning.  It went great.  I think I had the quickest career advancement in a matter of hours.  So I was supposed to be the BBG, but the Key Grip was a no show.  So then I was bumped to that.  One of the Producers called two Grips to set, so then I really didn't have much to do.  The Director was also the DP and I could see he was having a tough time doing both of roles and trying to run the set at the same time.  Seeing this right before my eyes, I jumped in and started calling out stuff.  

I quietly asked the Director if it was ok, cause I didn't want to step on his toes.  He eagerly said it wasn't a problem and he appreciated the help.  It took a minute, but shortly after that I was full blown in AD mode.  

It was for an H&M commercial.  Not to mention we were shooting on 35mm. 

Sexy isn't it?

Eight hours and one sunburn later, I was driving home.  The shoot went over the expected wrap time, but that's no surprise.  I had to leave before we could wrap.  (I had to give myself enough time to get home, shower, get ready for work and take out the dogs.  Yes, in that order.)

Left to go wait tables.  The night started off slow and prospects of making money weren't looking good.  It started to pick up a bit.  Luckily, one of "Closers" asked if I want to switch.  I said, "hell yeah!" thinking to myself, rent is due in one day.  I ended up working almost till midnight.  It was one of those 18 hour days, with an 1 hour break to get home and get ready again.

Needles to say, I think I woke up around noon today.  Didn't do much today.  Ran some errands.  Which did include going to the bank and depositing all my hard earned cash, just to cover the rent check I had to write today.  I hate the 1st of the month!

I hate having to think or deal with Student Loan bull#*&*.  It really hurts my brain.  I downloaded the Atmosphere song, "You", cause it pretty much described my situation. Listen to the words.   

Best Boy Grip (BBG)

Keepin it short tonight.  I've got a 7am call time in Gardena.  Hopefully wrap no later then 1pm, get back, shower up,  then head off to wait tables for the night...It's gonna be a long day.  

I haven't gotten to bed any earlier then 2am this week.  Sh%* I hope I get some sleep.  Maybe I 'll have a cool pic for tomorrow.  Wish me luck.  

Buenos Noches.

In a nutshell

Had a lot on my mind last night.  It's been a long week and I didn't even work the last four days.  How does that work?  Oh yeah, letting your friend bum your couch for a week might do that.

Got a bad night sleep.  I got woken up three different time that morning.  When I finally did get up, I was cranky as a mutha.  

Dropped off "the script" to a producer I know.  I took Beverly Glen back up from Westwood.  I couldn't believe it only took me 15min to get back to Sherman Oaks.  I hate The 405.

Went to go wait tables.  It was slow night.  It's hard to make money right now.  This has been a tough month and I know it's just gonna get tougher.  By the way, if you go out to dinner with over ten people, order a ton drinks non stop, randomly order all your food at different times, and stay for three hours +.  YOU SHOULD  TIP MORE THEN 15%.  That's all I'm saying.  When you get good service, the difference between 15%, 18% and 20%, really isn't that much.  I think you should tip based on service you get when you go out.  That's all.  

Mid week

Alright, so first I'll start off by admitting that I didn't write last night.  I would have, honestly, but I was just incompasitated.  I was drunk, what can I say.  Michael is still here and he likes to drink. So I hang out with my friend and do the thag.  I spent the night sipping on some Jameson and chasing it with Newcastle.  It was a good night.  Up until I left at least.  Everything got a little bury after that point.  I woke up this morning with two scraped knees and bruised back.  I don't know what happened, but I know at some point I got Michael in a triangle choke.  Booze.  

Today I was worthless.  It become a regular thing lately.  I know I drank too much when I feel like ass the next day.  My body just doesn't recoup the way it did when I was younger.  Damm, growing up is wried, especially when your body doesn't react the way it used to.

Good thing for the GF.  She comes and takes care of me when I'm feelin bad or just in a bad mood.  She knows me so well.  Imagine that?  And yet she's still around.  Either she's still young and puts up with my shit cause she doesn't know any better, or she's got an understanding beyond her years, and she deals with my shit cause she understands.

Ne-ways.  I went to Casa Vega on Ventura tonight.  It was guy's (Brandon) birthday today.  I was surprised he called me for the invite.  I got to meet and chit chat with six other Buca people.  I was surprised how cool everyone was.  I think I'm gonna like it there.  It's a different crowd.  Late twenties crew.  I fit right in, now that I'm 27 and all.  F#&k that's weird.  Whatever, at least I know I can still compete.  I've still got it, at least if I try.

I'm running errand tomorrow, cleaning my room.  Everything feels better when it's clean.  Maybe I'm just OCD?  I don't know, we'll see. The two weeks are going to be busy.  Tomorrow is my last free day, and I've got s#*t to do.  Well, no need to talk about it cause you'll find out.  Till then.  Buenos noches amigos.

Enh?

Not really much to talk about today.  Kinda took the day off.  Spent most of it chillin, watchin random moives.  Maybe you can say I worked by association?  Michael was working most of the day.  On the phone, on the computer.  It's still too hot to go outside during the day.  

Blah, blah, blah, award shows, award shows.  Maybe I'm just bitter cause I'm not there.  Could be the case right?  Enh?  Maybe not huh.  

Slim, slam, blam, jam!  Another day awaits.  What else could I be doing?  Maybe working on all those ideas I've got?  That might be a good idea.  But you know me, can't create unless everything else is in it's right place.  Enh, I'm just in a bad mood.  

Until tomorrow...

Pamela Adlon

So tonight I was working as usual.  I got to meet Pamela Adlon.  I could swear she told me here name was Nancy.  ??  Maybe I was just so infatuated with her beauty, I totally heard her wrong.  Which, in  this case is a total possibility.  I wouldn't say it was a star stuck thing, cause I've meet a couple celebs before.  

Honestly, you really want to know why I was so goo-goo.  I was just watching this cool show, (Californication - Episode; The Devil's Threesome)  and there's this great scene where she's running around in a tighty-whitey tee with some hot little undies on.  Oh my goodness.  Even though she's in her forty's, she looks like she's in her late twenties.  Don't believe me?  Check out the Episode yourself.  The DVD just came out.  

Alright, alright.  So we've established she hott.  Cool.  But, on the real though.  Super nice woman I spoke to.  Really nice, and totally receptive.  I had to get real proof for all you doubts out there.  So I asked for a favor, and she said, "you wanna take a picture?"  I said, "yeah, that would be great!".  She even congratulated  me on my recent graduation.  Totally cool, really down to earth.  I think she knew I thought she was hot too. Lol.  Hey I'm a Film school kid, I gotta watch show like that to stay in the loop.  

Well Mrs. Adlon, if you out there in cyber land reading this...thanks for being so cool.  And yeah, if you and Felix ever split up.  You know where to find me!  ;)

Same job, new place, new people.

So today was the official first day of my transfer.  No more commuting 50 miles to work and back.  No more rush hour traffic on the 405.  No more filling up my gas tank once a week.  No more Valencia and most of all, no more Heater F-ing Wan.  

Three and half years I worked for you.  And that's the way it's gonna end.  So be it.  You know what they say about "true colors".  Well, I saw yours.  You bi-polar a#*hole.

Just a means to end, my friend.  That's what I got to do.  It could be worse.  Waitin tables isn't soo bad.  I mean, shit, it pays the rent and puts food on the table.  Maybe every now and then I can take my girl for some sushi.  Ain't so bad.  

What's the saying?  "I'm an overnight success, it just took me ten years."  Damm, it's gonna be a long road.  At least I can still put a roof over my head, take care of doggies, and indulge in the little things.  A good movie, a In & Out burger, some guitar hero, and a little Jameson.

Got to remember what to be grateful for.  Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  Good lookin out J-dog.  Thanks for having my back.  

Feelin the heat

What is with the heat.  Really?  The sun scorched the the land today.  It was 105 degrees.  I opened my door to take the dogs out and then the heat washed over me like a bad sunburn.  "Damm, it's fucking hot", I thought.

I spent the day locked away in my apartment, running the AC.  It was still hot though.  Then I kept thinking, "shit my electric bill is gonna be high!"  

I spent the rest of day, locked away, determined to beat this video game.  Finally after a few hell bent hours, I beat it.  "Now what?", I thought.  

A couple cocktails later, I found myself laying in bed.  Beat down from the heat.  The AC was blowing right on me.  My bed, cuddled with me.  There's no place like your bed.  I slept like a preschooler.  It was nice.  

Revelations

1,2,3, start.  I'm writing.  No rules, no regulation, no boundaires, no form.  It's funny how or when or even the circumstances that inspiration comes to you.  

Was it a sign?  A gift from my grandfather maybe?  I don't know...it sure nice to believe maybe it was a gift.  I remember though, I could almost feel it in my brian.  I saw a series of light bulbs turning on, one after another.  I can't remember the last time that happened.  

My Uncle that I haven't really seen or talked to in almost 10 years was the vessel of these "words of wisdom".  Thanks Uncle Ralph.  I think you help ignite something that's been brewing inside of me.  So theses words I scribble down will be my gift you.  Write about anything, everything, everyday.  

Ouch!  I have to admit I'm kinda scared, but alright.  I'm gonna commit myself to "bloging" everyday.  And let's just see what happens, right?  

I won't sit here and say I know where this ship is going to sail.  But this will be my window.  This blog will be the window for anyone and everyone including myself, to see the journey I'm venturing on.  For better or for worse.  Just write dammit, just write.

It's funny how that excitement comes with the fear.  But dammit man, I'm excited too.  

So with all that being said.  I promise to write.  I'll just apologize in advance, but I'll let you readers out there be the critics.  I hope you enjoy.  

It has begun...

Roll of the dice - Charles Bukowski

After speaking about life, art and the constant struggle with my tattoo artist/friend, I thought I would put this up for him and share it with the rest you guys too.... Sometimes it's hard to keep perspective.

if your going to try, go all the 

way.

otherwise, don't even start.

if you're going to try, go all the 

way.

this could mean losing girlfriends, 

wives, relatives, jobs and 

maybe your mind.

go all the way.

if could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.

it could mean freezing on a

park bench.

it could mean jail, 

it could mean derision, 

mockery,

isolation.

isolation is the gift, 

all the others are a test of your 

endurance, of

how much you really want to 

do it.

and you'll do it

despite rejection and the worst odds

and it will be better than anything else 

you can imagine.

if you're going to try, 

go all the way.

there is no other feeling like that

you will be alone with the gods 

and the nights will flame with 

fire.

do it, do it, do it.

do it.

all the way

all the way.

you will ride life straight to 

perfect laughter, it's

the only good fight

there is.

Prolific Digestions - Prologue

So this is the beginning.  This is where it starts.  Right here on this page for the first time.  The dysfunctional rhetoric of a narcissistic man that fancies himself an "artist".  How does that sound?  Are you interested yet?

I don't even know if  I myself, am indeed, interested....

Do you ever notice, how the world sounds at two in the morning?  Almost peaceful.  But not quiet right?  We know better, but it's nice to pretend right?

So here I am, right smack in the middle of all of it.  Trying to figure out what's next.  Almost cliche, but yet, you can not deny reality.  Maybe it would be easier if there were just a manual.  You know, a step by step, "how to guide".  Wouldn't that be easy?....  But wait, if it were, then everyone would be doing it right?  And if everyone was a wonder, then all the glory would be gone.?  And it's all about the glory, right?  Or isn't it about the "quest"?  Yes, yes, it's the journey...  So what's with all the questions then?

Like it or not, the mind can not accept the simplicity of the philosophic theories.  Reality smacks you across the face and tells you that you've done nothing.  It's all in you head.  It doesn't exist in the world yet.

Can a creation manifested in reality, exist in reality if it hasn't existed outside of your own personal reality?  I wonder...

So I find myself pleading to give this creation life.  A life beyond my world, beyond my circle.  A life that allows the rest of the world to sip it up if  they choose.  For better or worse.  A piece of work needs to be seen, needs to be criticized and deconstructed.  Digested in the souls of other human beings.  I feel the responsibility to put it out there and let you and whoever else make their own decision...